This is a mom zone topic. It could apply to every thing else we do in life, but for now I will just focus on talking about something I am familiar with, which is the pressure and stress of being a mom. As much as you think you are prepared to become a parent, mamahood is a learning process and it never ends, especially as your kids grow and go through their various milestones, developmental stages and personality peaks. I have now a bright 7 year-old boy, who is on the autism spectrum. How can you be prepared to something you have never heard about before? Reading books? Watching videos? Asking advice from your general physician or pediatrician?
That could help, but it is only an overview of what you are really going to face.

So you see, just as every kid is unique, every mom is unique too. There is no parenting protocol that needs to be followed to the letter. Sure you have your basic ethics, values, do's and dont's but at the end of the day you break the rules by creating your own rules, rules that are beneficial to the quality of life you are trying to instate for your children. I think normal is overrated. There is no such thing, in my opinion. You cannot apply the same tools to all situations. Mothers are known to be intuitive, and they use this gift to navigate through their spiritual experience of motherhood. A mother's instinct is real and Mom always knows best. She might make mistakes along the way, but her instinct, her calculations (or miscalculations), her anticipation to every situation, her unconditional love, unveil a devoted, patient, loving and forgiving powerhouse of mamahood.

At many occasions, schools and the way they format children have been underlined as inapt for the well-being and progress of kids. I have seen some Youtube videos discussing the controversy behind schools and how they mimic prisons. Scary, isn't it? Kids are told to pay attention, when to eat, when to play, when to be quiet, etc... I am not saying discipline is wrong, but I think there should be a more lenient approach to education and intellectual and creative development. Kids can acquire information through play, and I have seen that happen with my own son. He was non-verbal until the age of 4. We had two ABA therapists who would come to our home and, using play, they would help him with his math, his alphabet, words, and so on. My son - may Allah bless him - is now more expressive and a curious little monkey. He uses the same tactics to acquire knowledge. He is fascinated by everything new, he googles every new word he comes across, he watches educational animated series and relates them to our day-to-day life and activities. This is just the beginning, and I think if we reinforce that aspect of learning, kids will be less pressured, happier and more interested in discovering and knowing new things. It also paves strong confidence and independence, as their personalities shine through their likes, dislikes, fields of interest and happiness.
HAPPINESS. That's the word. What do you want to do when you grow up? Or would you rather ask, what will make you happy? I choose the latter, and with my situation as an autism mom, it is all about taking it day by day and making sure that the top of our list as parents, is his health and complete happiness.

Jeddah - Saudi Arabia (December 2011)

This is where social pressure comes in and that's why my post is called "Don't beat yourself up!" and to be more exact, stop beating yourself up. With social media under our noses, 24 hours a day, staged happiness is what we really see. Even when we are trying to record the most real moment, it is still staged, formatted, rendered and filtered. I won't deny that I too sometimes take several shots until I am happy. We all do that. It is the inescapable urge to please the world first, and then ourselves. To show the world that we are doing well and happy, as happiness is the common element in all religions, beliefs and ideologies.
But what about fake happiness like instagram flat-lays where everything looks pretty, you take the shot and post it. Two seconds later, your items are put away, table is back to normal and the mess in your home is hidden from the hungry eyes of social media. We are telling lies like the disturbingly happy TV ads we see all the time. Take a cooking oil advertisement. It is unlikely for me to be wearing my best clothes, putting an indefinite smile (that's going to hurt my jaw afterwards) on my face and be cooking like the dormant chef in me has finally risen! I mean seriously, can we just tone down just a little bit. But then people say, yeah, but that's just advertising.
We are sold by lies, illusions and (unattainable) perfection. I am sorry but we are loosing our minds.
This applies to everything else. There is pressure from every corner we look at, and as a mom you try to defy the new standards of the picture perfect moms that are being portrayed in the media, social media and in real life - because real life has become overpopulated with fakeness and an overflow of the same same same influencers.

So, can we pause for a second and press that refresh button. Look at the bigger picture and witness how far you have come. Believe me when I say, I have been one to compare myself to other moms or even women (fashion, lifestyle and beauty) but then I realize that I am Hanane, I am proud to be an autism mom, I am proud of how I handle situations, I don't like superficial things, I hate liars and hypocrites, I might be shy but I am a mama-bear when it comes to my loved ones and friends, I might be sensitive but I think it is a strength, added to patience it is what empowers me to be at my sons's side and needs and above all I love being a mom period - even if sometimes I do beat myself up and question my capacities. There is always a moment (or even moments) when you doubt yourself and wonder if you are doing a good job at raising your child. That's your humanity speaking and it is part of the learning process. Like I said in the beginning, motherhood starts the second you realize you are pregnant and the journey begins till eternity. It doesn't stop.
You have the longest, retirement-free, most rewarding, most exhausting, most energy-draining, indefinite and multi-emotional job in the world! How dare you beat yourself up?
There is no replica of Monsters Inc. big score board in the real world, where the top moms get the most attention or some sort of rewards. And even if it were the case, so what? It is just a busy noisy blur for me: too many egos and so little reflection upon our actions and our present blessings. Is humanity crumbling and so focused on who went where, and who did what? What about inspiring people instead, truthfully. What about guiding instead of making people buy things randomly and massively? What about creating more communities instead of secret circles of the most VIP/popular? What about collective versus individual? There is #noscoretobeat but there is plenty of room to fill, plenty of opportunities to create and more goodness to spread.
I am not competing, I am living. I am not trying to break a record, I am just trying to provide the best that life has to offer for my kid, in happiness, fun and more exposure to real life situations where his true essence can flourish. So, don't beat yourself up by trying to compare yourself to other mothers or other stereotypes. Don't try to become someone you are not. Trust your intuition, go back to basics, to the roots, to what your mom taught you. Don't cede to the media and what it wants to portray, choose wisely and dare to be you - fully!